Smile with me

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

age...

Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age

electricity in india

If Electricity goes in America they call at power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,

But in India , they check the neighbour's house ,"Sabki gayi hai naa , phir theek hai"=))=D

SQL query for wedding...

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25),
Bride Female(20) AS

BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 10 AND
HouseStatus = 'ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having
Brothers = Null AND Sisters = Null

SELECT Gold, Cash, Car, BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW') END GO

Then the Bride writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

B.Tech and Engineers...

Statement of boys, when they remain unsuccessful in making girlfriends in College...

1st semester: Meri to pehle se hai...

2nd semester: Chalo try karenge

3rd semester: Apne batch me koi dhang ki nahi hai

4th semester: Juniors bhi dhang ki nahi hai

5th semester: Bhai kisise intro. to kara...

6th semester: Koi bhi chalegi...

7th semester: Mere paas time nahi tha varna...

And Finally

With Full Attitude

8th sem: Dekha puri degree ho gayi paraaj tak kisiko bhaav nahi diya...D

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Santa gr888

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? ”
The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’ ‘Ha, I wipe my shit with that! ’ the Englishman jeered.
The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.
The Muslim replied: “Chameli” ‘Ha I wipe my shit with that! ’ The Englishman response
The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.
The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower? ’ Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now wipe your whatever you want with that! ”

Royal Stag...

Train...girl...boy...

Girl (in train) :- can i sit here ?

Boy :- it all urs

Girl :- can i take some water ?

Boy :- my pleasure :)

Girl :- Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai ?

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Boy :- mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai :@,
jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai..!!

work must be completed...

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car while drinking a soda.

As he relaxed, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.

The men worked right past the man and continued on down the road.

Overcome by curiosity, the fellow headed in their direction. "Hey there," he said. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"We work for the county government," one of them said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. What's up with that?" the man asked.

"Well," the worker replied, "normally there's three of us - me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back, but Rodney's out sick."

"So what does the work you're doing accomplish?" asked the man, not quite believing what he was seeing.

"Well," Mike said. "Just because Rodney's out sick, that don't mean we can't work, right?"

not this time...ha ha ha

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.

He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

His wife confessed, "Not this time."

every1 change, but friends never change...

Dangerous Dosti...

.Main ghar late aaya to Dad ne poochha:"kaha the janab?".
Maine kaha: "Friend ke ghar tha..."
Dad ne mere hi saamne mere 10 friends ko call ki?.

4 ne kaha: "Haan Uncle, yahin par tha...";).

2 ne kaha: "Abhi just nikla hai...":-|.

3 ne kaha:

"Yahin hai Uncle, parh raha hai, phone dun kya?":p.

1 kamine ne toh hadd hi kar di,

kaha: "Haan Papa bolo kya hua...!!!":O

Dost zindabaad!!!!!!

HahHahhahah :D

Friday, 25 May 2012

Engineers rock... always

thats called spending the money...

There are several men in the locker room of a private
club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that is on one of the benches rings.

A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are.
I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely
gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,800.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked.
I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good
price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that
we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $80,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your
bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent
this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last
year ... it's on sale!!
Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre
of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $750,000... a magnificent price, and I see that
we have that much in the bank to cover it..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $720,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises
his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS PHONE BELONGS TO?"

finding the real father...

MOTHER : Son I am sorry, I slept with someone who is not your
father 23 yrs ago.
And that person is your real Father.

SON : What Rubbish ! How am I to deal with this?
You should be hanged.

MOTHER : I am very sorry. He was my first love but I could not marry him bcoz we are from different religion.
He is on phone at the moment and wants to talk to his son for the
first time ever.

SON : No way I am not going to talk to anyone.
Mr.Smith is my only father I know and will be forever.

MOTHER : Plz son, just talk to him only once he is waiting over phone.

SON : OK I will give him a piece of my mind.

FATHER (over phone) : Morning son I am Vijay Mallaya your real
Father.

SON : DAD!! DAD!! DAD!! Thank GOD ohhhhhhh DAD Love u so much my DAD. I knew there is something special about me. Oh DAD I Love ♥

women...will be women

A group of girls are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

exam and students...never change...

Students After Examination -
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1st Benchers:- Hey The Paper Was Tough. But I Will Get 95.
2nd Benchers :- Oh Dude.. I Couldn’t Attend 1 Question.
3rd Benchers :- Yes. I Will Pass.
4th Benchers :- Oh God.. Help Me..
Last Benchers :- Hey… The Invigilator Was Really Sexy.
Attending The Exam Was Not A Waste Of Time........!!!!!!! ;) ;)