age...

Nurse: How old are you?
Patient: None of your business.
Nurse: But the doctor must know your age for his records.
Patient: Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?
Nurse: Yes. Fifty.
Patient: All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?
Nurse: Zero.
Patient: Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age

electricity in india

If Electricity goes in America they call at power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,

But in India , they check the neighbour's house ,"Sabki gayi hai naa , phir theek hai"=))=D

SQL query for wedding...

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
BrideGroom Male (25),
Bride Female(20) AS

BEGIN

SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 10 AND
HouseStatus = 'ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MiBA) AND Having
Brothers = Null AND Sisters = Null

SELECT Gold, Cash, Car, BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW') END GO

Then the Bride writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

B.Tech and Engineers...

Statement of boys, when they remain unsuccessful in making girlfriends in College...

1st semester: Meri to pehle se hai...

2nd semester: Chalo try karenge

3rd semester: Apne batch me koi dhang ki nahi hai

4th semester: Juniors bhi dhang ki nahi hai

5th semester: Bhai kisise intro. to kara...

6th semester: Koi bhi chalegi...

7th semester: Mere paas time nahi tha varna...

And Finally

With Full Attitude

8th sem: Dekha puri degree ho gayi paraaj tak kisiko bhaav nahi diya...D

Santa gr888

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? ”
The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’ ‘Ha, I wipe my shit with that! ’ the Englishman jeered.
The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.
The Muslim replied: “Chameli” ‘Ha I wipe my shit with that! ’ The Englishman response
The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.
The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower? ’ Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now wipe your whatever you want with that! ”

Royal Stag...

Train...girl...boy...

Girl (in train) :- can i sit here ?

Boy :- it all urs

Girl :- can i take some water ?

Boy :- my pleasure :)

Girl :- Bhaiya agla station kaun sa hai ?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy :- mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai :@,
jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend aa rahi hai..!!

work must be completed...

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car while drinking a soda.

As he relaxed, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.

The men worked right past the man and continued on down the road.

Overcome by curiosity, the fellow headed in their direction. "Hey there," he said. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"

"We work for the county government," one of them said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. What's up with that?" the man asked.

"Well," the worker replied, "normally there's three of us - me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back, but Rodney's out sick."

"So what does the work you're doing accomplish?" asked the man, not quite believing what he was seeing.

"Well," Mike said. "Just because Rodney's out sick, that don't mean we can't work, right?"

not this time...ha ha ha

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.

He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

His wife confessed, "Not this time."

every1 change, but friends never change...

Dangerous Dosti...

.Main ghar late aaya to Dad ne poochha:"kaha the janab?".
Maine kaha: "Friend ke ghar tha..."
Dad ne mere hi saamne mere 10 friends ko call ki?.

4 ne kaha: "Haan Uncle, yahin par tha...";).

2 ne kaha: "Abhi just nikla hai...":-|.

3 ne kaha:

"Yahin hai Uncle, parh raha hai, phone dun kya?":p.

1 kamine ne toh hadd hi kar di,

kaha: "Haan Papa bolo kya hua...!!!":O

Dost zindabaad!!!!!!

HahHahhahah :D

Engineers rock... always

thats called spending the money...

There are several men in the locker room of a private
club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that is on one of the benches rings.

A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, It's me."
"Sugar!"
"Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are.
I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely
gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,800.00"
"Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership
and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked.
I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good
price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that
we bought last year..."
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $80,000..."
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your
bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent
this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last
year ... it's on sale!!
Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre
of park area, beachfront property..."
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $750,000... a magnificent price, and I see that
we have that much in the bank to cover it..."
"Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $720,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises
his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:
"DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS PHONE BELONGS TO?"

finding the real father...

MOTHER : Son I am sorry, I slept with someone who is not your
father 23 yrs ago.
And that person is your real Father.

SON : What Rubbish ! How am I to deal with this?
You should be hanged.

MOTHER : I am very sorry. He was my first love but I could not marry him bcoz we are from different religion.
He is on phone at the moment and wants to talk to his son for the
first time ever.

SON : No way I am not going to talk to anyone.
Mr.Smith is my only father I know and will be forever.

MOTHER : Plz son, just talk to him only once he is waiting over phone.

SON : OK I will give him a piece of my mind.

FATHER (over phone) : Morning son I am Vijay Mallaya your real
Father.

SON : DAD!! DAD!! DAD!! Thank GOD ohhhhhhh DAD Love u so much my DAD. I knew there is something special about me. Oh DAD I Love ♥

women...will be women

A group of girls are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.


The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."


So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.


The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.


They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."


They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.


On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.


There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

exam and students...never change...

Students After Examination -
.
.
.
1st Benchers:- Hey The Paper Was Tough. But I Will Get 95.
2nd Benchers :- Oh Dude.. I Couldn’t Attend 1 Question.
3rd Benchers :- Yes. I Will Pass.
4th Benchers :- Oh God.. Help Me..
Last Benchers :- Hey… The Invigilator Was Really Sexy.
Attending The Exam Was Not A Waste Of Time........!!!!!!! ;) ;)

exam and me...Meri Jung

Boys will be boys

Just imagine life without boys;

Roads silent

Colleges empty

The police at rest

ALL mobile companies in loss

NO SMS

NO gifts

NO alcohol

No petrol kharcha

No bikes

No crime

All d girls direct 2 heaven..

so give us thanx for being in this world...

wife again...

Ramu Ki Maa Mistri Se: BedMajbut Banana,

Mere BETE koBAHU k sath sona hai..........

 .....

 Mistri: Aisa Majbut Bedbanaunga SARA MOHALLA BAHU k sath SOYEGA To BhiNahi Tutega..! :D :P

wife wife wife...

‎||:Santa Bhagwan Se :||

"Tune Bachpan Diya ..Cheen Liya...

Jawaani Dii ..Cheen Liii....

Paisa Diya .. Wapis Le LIya.....

Ek Biwi Bhi Di...........Iss Baar Bhool Gaya KYa ??" (o_O)

amazing facts...

‎9 AMAZING FACTS-

1- INDIA mein 95% log Milk nhi pite.
2-UK mein ab tk judwa bacche paida nhi huve.
3-Nepal mein Tigers insano k sath sotey hai..
4-Snake ko agar hawa me feka jaye to wo 10 mint tak udd
... skta hai..
5-ZEBRA ka Dil nahi hota.
6-MONKEY chinese zuban samjh sakta hai..
7-Hathi ki pooch k 1 baal se 1waqt me 3 mobile ki battery
charge kr skte hai..
8-Ye sab points galat hai..
9-Aaj hum time pas kr rhe hai,
Gaur se pdhne ka Shukriya. :D

fastest thing...

‎4 Students...
1 from Taxas university.
1 from Oxford University.
1 from Howard University.
And,
... Santa from Punjab university...
University's Common Question....
Which is the fastest thing,
Student from Taxas :- Thought...
Student from Oxford :- Blink of an EYE...
Student from Howard :- Light....
And,
Santa from Punjab :- Loose Motions...
Reason :- B'coz Last night I waslying on my bed...
And,
Before I could THINK, BLINK or switch on the LIGHT..
It was ALL OVER. :P :D

mujhe sab pata hai...

Teacher: hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai....

Chotte at home : Papa mujhe sab pata hai ;)

Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Aunty to bas milne aati hain.

Chotte : Mummy muje sab pata hai;)...

Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Raamu kaka to room saaf karte hain bas.

Chotte (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe sab pata hai ;)

Ramu kaka : sab jaanne ke baad bhi apne baap ke gale nahin lagega pagley.....!! =))

kya kare...

Girl :- Bas karo koi dekh lega....
Boy :- Kuch nahi hoga tum sidhi raho,
Waha se hath hatao....
Pls thoda sa dikha do na...
Agar nahi dikhaya to main......
...
.

.

.

.

Fail ho Jaunga !...(o_O) .... :

Engineers rock..

Engineers Vs Doctors :
SCENE 1 --------------- --------------- --------
5 engineer buy only 1 ticket, and 5 Doctor buy 5 tickets.
Doctor's are desperately waiting for TC tocome.....
When TC arrives, all 5 engineer get into one toilet, so when
TC knocks, one hand comes out with the ticket and the TC
goes away.
SCENE 2 :-------------- --------------- -------
Doctor decided, "This time, we will prove that we are
smarter".
5 Doctor buy 1 ticket, engineer don't buy any ticket at all!
TC arrives....
All Doctor IN ONE TOILET. ALL engineerS IN THE OPPOSITE
TOILET.
One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctor toilet.
One hand comes out with the tickets, he takes the ticket and
enters engineers toilet.
TC drives out all the Doctor from the toilet, and they are
heavily fined.
SCENE 3-------------- --------------- --
Now, both the groups are at LONAVALA Railway Station.
Doctors' are planning their move for a last chance, ... they
board the local train to Pune.
This time, Doctor decide that they will play the same (1
ticket) trick.
ALL Doctor take 1 ticket ... engineer buy 5tickets.
TC Comes. All engineer show their tickets,AND ..........
Doctor are still searching for toilet in the Local train!!!!!

friends will be friends...forever

ab hai love ki bari...

5 love facts

=> If it is because of her lips or her eyes or her great body, then it's not love, it's LUST.

=> If it's because of her intelligence or insight about life, then it's not love, it's an ADMIRATION.

=> If it's because she cries everytime you try to leave, it's not love, it's PITY.

=> If it's because she makes you forget study and sleep then it's not love, it's INFATUATION.

=> If it's because you don't know why you're attracted to that person then it's LOVE.

" Love has it's reason but that is unknown"

Girlfriend...musibat no. 1

Girl frnd to boyfrnd:
I m pregnant!!
Boyfrnd: R u
sure
dat its mine?
Girlfrnd starts crying :'(
&say:
...
"
Yaar sab log aisa
bologe to kaise chalegaaa!!!

Santa ... ha ha ha

Santa going with his Sister...
.
.
.
Someone shouts...
“Oye! ITEM le ker kahan nikle..!?!”
.
. .
. . .
Santa gets furious & slap him & says:
. . .
. .
.
“Oye! ITEm hogi teri.
Meri to Behan hai...

men will be men...

3 women love a same guy....!!

Bt the guy has to choose
only 1....

... So he decided to test them
by giving $5000 to each one
of them to spend.....

1st lady bought costly
cosmetics for herself... ...she
wanted 2 luk gud for him...

2nd lady bought the
branded shirts for the
guy...she wanted to make
him look dashing... ..

3rd lady didn't spend any
money and deposited it to
the bank to get
interest.. ...she wanted to
save the money for their
future.... .

At last......

The man married the lady
who was...
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Prettiest... :P

MORAL: men will never
change :D:D

Less talk...

A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point - he really never said too much. One day, a saleswoman promoting a certain brand of brushes, knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so the guy told her that she wasn`t home.
" Well," the woman said, " could I please wait for her?"
The man directed her to the drawing room and left her there for more than three hours.
After feeling really worried, she called out for him and asked," May I know where your wife is?"
" She went to the cemetery," he replied.
"And when is she coming?"
"I don`t really know," he said. "She`s been there eleven years now."

Business...ha ha ha ha

Wow...Santa rocks again...

A wealthy man and went to heaven. When he got to the
pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect
due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain
admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two
questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Santa thought for a few minutes and answered…
1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today
and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, “OK, Ill
buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not
the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?” The Santa
replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc…”
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word

Santa and Banta rocks...

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

First day...

During a ride in a taxicab, the rider touched the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

Upon the touch, the cab driver flinched, screamed, then went into a panic and almost wrecked the cab. Finally the driver got control and pulled to side of road.

Still shaking, he turned to his rider and apologized. He said, "Sorry about that. This is my first day as a cab driver. For the past 20 years I have driven a hearse".

Cute, but not cute

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

 
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

 
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well, Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" !
 

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."

 
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."

 
Again, Bruce replies instantly, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."


By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.


After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well, Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?"


Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."

 

Mr. Smith doesn't think little Bruce is so cute anymore.

Bhokali interview

Interviewer: There are 50 bricks on an airoplane.

If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Applicant: That's easy, 49.

Interviewer: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge.
Put the elephant in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?

Applicant: Open the fridge.
Take the elephant out.
Put the deer in.
Close the fridge.

Interviewer: It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?

Applicant: Because the deer is in the fridge.

Interviewer: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?

Applicant: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.

Interviewer: Last question.
In the end the old lady still died. Why?

Applicant: Er....I guess she drowned?

Interviewer: No! She was hit by the brick fallen frm the airoplane. You may leave now.

ha ha ha ha

moti aurat ne chor pakda or us par beth gai.
phir nokar se boli ja police ko bula la .....
Nokar- Meri chappal kho gai hai .........
.
.
.
.
.
chor chillaya- Saale meri pehen le par jladi ja...;D ;D

Rajnikant's childhood photo

Happy Mother's Day

Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever.
Happy mother's day...

Multiple uses of lappy

Thats called JUGAD technology in India....

Mistake By mistake...

A Small Boy Took A Knife
And Wrote His Girlfriend’s Name 0n His Hand..
After A Minute He Started Crying Loudly..
Why ???
.
.
.
Paining ???
.
.
.
No !!
.
.
.
Then ???
.
.
.
Spelling Mistake !!!

Why Columbus...

If Columbus Had a GirlFriend,He Might Have Never Discovered AMERICA Coz...
GF: Where r u Going?
With Whom?
How r u Going?
To Discover What?
Why Only u?
What Should I Do Wen u r Gone?
Can I Cum Wid u?
Wen Will u b Back?
Whr Wil u Stay?
U'll Miss Me Na?
COLUMBUS: Le Meri Maa, Nahi Jata!
Khush..!!

Nigeria waterfall...

Guide : I welcome u all to niagra falls.
This is the world's largest waterfalland the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high that even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Now may I Request the LADIES to keep quiet so that we can hear The Niagra Falls. . :P :D

kanjoos no. 1

A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.
Policemen arrives.
Man: (cried) Officer! Mah brand new car!
... ...
Police replied: You're such materialistic. You even haven't
notice that your left arm has been cut off.
Man: (He looks at his left arm and yells.)
OMG! My Rolex watch!